Wishful Thinking

Was I a fool, thinking that she liked me?

Was I a fool, thinking that we could have been together?

Was I a fool to believe all of this?
Rejection hurts, especially when you’ve been rejected by the girl you’ve been chasing for two years. But what hurt even more was finding out that after all this time, she never felt anything for you. How could I have been so stupid, to believe she liked me based purely on our interactions together? We were just friends, maybe close friends at most, but it stings my heart to know that that’s where it stops.

Well, if it’s an indication, I got rejected by the girl I’ve been chasing for over two years. And I’m not going to lie, it sucks. It sucks knowing that while I was out in the field training, thinking of her, she had actually fallen and dated another guy. More specifically, it was the exact guy that I was suspicious of. So while I was living in my fantasy, dreaming of what could be, I failed to realise that I had lost the fight a long time ago.

Sure, they are no longer together, and that should make me happy. But it doesn’t. Rather, it makes me that much more upset, knowing that I didn’t have a chance, even without a competitor. I was such an idiot, thinking and believing that life was going to be great. In the back of my mind, I guess I could forsee the future of bitter rejection.

She said that she had dated someone in University, albeit a brief relationship, and wanted to take time to improve herself. There should be that hope that she will accept me one day, but deep down I know it’s over. I’ve lost a close friend, and I’ve lost my chance to be together with her.

I’m not angry though, oddly enough. I’m not angry, a little upset that things didn’t do my way, but I suppose life is all about rejection, and more importantly how you bounce back from it. After all, I still believe she’s still out there. I will not let this setback destroy me, but rather let it act as a learning experience.

To Photo, the girl in my heart, I’m sorry. It’s been a wonderful two years with you as my friend. I’m sorry I made things weird between us, but I’m not sorry for falling for you. You are special, and I wish you all the best in finding your happiness. 

I guess things don’t turn out the way we want.

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